Show Cause Order

The California Onion Company [NASDAQ: COCO] has been issued orders to show cause regarding its handling of onions. The National Consumers Society has set in motion the appeal after noticing the surging rates of obesity among onions. “The basic rule about onions is it's got to fit inside a palm. And it's got to be easily cuttable. You don't bring a steak knife to make a simple omelet, do you?” said the head of the Society who, despite the micro-mini mustache that stretched continuously all over the upper ranges of his lips, looked deadly earnest. He further added the whole thing had got so “out of hand” that it called for some serious regulatory reform. The Society has also decided to lay off onions from their culinary practices (indefinitely as of now). The multi-layer species with purported medicinal claims is also regarded a promiscuous one, quite often seen in close company with many fellow veggies and even meats. The Pew Research Center quotes onions to be the leading cause of crying among humans with a market share of 26%. Tom Hanks movies came second at 20%.